@AristotlesNZ: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
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@Dutch_50: I always say no to drugs. But, if they ever start deep frying them, I'm in big trouble.
@That_Damn_Duck: At McDonalds Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn’t be feeding them this crap
@garrettbarry70: So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different.
@jaelco26: I'm doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I'm in the back seat of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to reach the ignition.