@AristotlesNZ: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
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@Sickayduh: "Hey Fred" Yeah Barney? "The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band" Yeah but ABBA do!
@_Tempo11: Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: "I'm so sorry"
@decentbirthday: Buddha: all life is suffering Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes