@iQuoteComedy: Walking around the kitchen like Pac-Man when you're hungry.
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@Wuttercuerk: "Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position." "We're only hiring tree trimmers." "That's exactly what I just said."
@joe_binkley: Things that are loud: Jet engines Dynamite Opening a bag of Sun Chips at a funeral Rock concerts
@joeljeffrey: [buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.