@iQuoteComedy: Walking around the kitchen like Pac-Man when you're hungry.
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@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.
@IamEnidColeslaw: at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed
@TMZ: Reckless driving, pot allegations and cop visits, Justin Bieber is a bad wig away from being the next Amanda Bynes.
@TheWadest: Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys.