@iQuoteComedy: Walking around the kitchen like Pac-Man when you're hungry.
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@decentbirthday: [assigning roles] god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth sun: sounds good god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves moon: hell yes
@ArfMeasures: WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down
@ElliotHetherton: [date] Her: tell me something about yourself Me: *remembers girls like tough guys* I killed a man Her: ... Me: *remembers girls also like sensitive guys* but I cried afterwards