@Goofpoops: Walking dead spoiler alert. There are zombies and they like to try & eat people but the people are like "nuh uh zombie, we don't want that"
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@BGH70: The company hates when I helicopter into work. It's always, "zip up your pants and go see HR now!"
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.
@david8hughes: "Despite my best efforts, my hot air balloon just isn't going to fly." "Dude, that's a bike with a blanket on it." "My best efforts."