@LindaInDisguise: Walking into WalMart with my kids, "Remember, kids - use your Target voices."
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@trevso_electric: take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is hidden cameras and the girls are all talking about me.
@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
@iinkedZombie: [pet store] Me *looking at snakes* "CAN I FEED THEM?" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*
@jctsmileyone: No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!