@LindaInDisguise: Walking into WalMart with my kids, "Remember, kids - use your Target voices."
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@DaddyJew: Me:I gotta go home. Im bleeding & my computers broken Boss:looks like u just slammed ur head thru the computer screen Me:what is this CSI?
@KevinBuffalo: Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat.