@Springaling85: Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying "you never called! Our son is 5 now" then walk away....always brightens my day
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@WowYoureFunny: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3x while carrying me to the car!
@joeljeffrey: I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do.
@UnFitz: Maybe we'd still be in the Garden of Eden if Eve had given Adam an Android instead of an Apple. You don't know.
@tarastrong: "Mom, I hate the word, 'Hemorrhoid'. It's like a weird planet. Hi,I'm Hemorroidian! Or oh no! A hemorrhoid is headed 4 Earth!" -my 12yr old