@Springaling85: Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying "you never called! Our son is 5 now" then walk away....always brightens my day
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@ArfMeasures: [Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR
@blade_funner: STEWARDESS: Does anyone know how to defuse a bomb? PERSON WHO DOESN'T FLINCH OPENING A CAN OF CRESCENT ROLLS: Right here.
@KrangTNelson: AMAZON, 1998: hello we sell books but online AMAZON, 2023: please return to your Primehouse for your nightly Primemeal, valued Primecitizen