@Springaling85: Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying "you never called! Our son is 5 now" then walk away....always brightens my day
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@POTerritory: Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.
@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*