@CornOnTheGoblin: [walks into a laundromat with a bag of popcorn kernels and heads straight to the dryers]
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@huntigula: [interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Prisoner: You inked Me: *thinking about my "I hate prisoners" back tattoo* No why
@Maxine12333: Daughter saw old clothes I've saved for sentimental value & said 'I bet you cried when the last dinosaur died too'. She's out of the will.