@jackiecarbajal: *walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer...
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@Amburglar_: My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
@TravLeBlanc: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.