@FilthyRichmond: Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.
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@ItsAndyRyan: *Child putting on clothes very slowly while singing* Me: You really need to hurry up – we're going to be late. *Child starts singing faster*
@LizHackett: I miss the days before the internet, when you didn't know some person's every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic.
@ObscureGent: All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.
@ColoradoCrow: Im going to change my name on Facebook to "Benefits", so that when you add me it will say, "You are now friends with benefits"