@FilthyRichmond: Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.
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@simoncholland: I was going to sign this permission slip to let my daughter watch The Grinch at school but I haven't heard back from North Korea yet.
@Book_Krazy: *In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh
@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.