@TheNardvark: Walmart stopped selling hoverboards due to safety concerns. In case you were curious about those empty shelves between the guns and the ammo
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Would you consider going out with a guy a little older than yourself? Her: Well of course I would. Why, do you have a son?
@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer
@SamuelHLowe: That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: I'm not into anything "weird", but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.