@EamonToPlease: Walnuts make my every cookie a game of Minesweeper.
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@envydatropic: My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same.
@vanderheydensax: Me: Got any baby aspirin? Clerk: No, we're out Me: *Slides two aspirin bottles together. Plays Marvin Gaye* Clerk: Sir– Me: DON'T RUSH THEM!
@ericsshadow: [6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*
@BuckyIsotope: *learns all Froot Loops are the same flavor regardless of color* *sighs* *sadly deletes 583 page PhD thesis*