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@7_Cents: Walruses? Walri? Walrus?
@Wine_Honey1: If you ever come home and I'm in your house naked, I'm not stalking you. I just needed to borrow your wine opener, mine broke.
@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
@NicestHippo: "Let's go around the room & name our biggest fears"
MARIO: When a turtle slowly walks in my direction
@Yair_Rosenberg: Twitter makes possible so many amazing things we couldn't do before. Like trolling the Nazis:
@ElgatoEsmio: Her- um.. why are you wearing a Darth Vader mask?
Me- you said lets do Yoda together
H- I SAID YOGA YOU DOPE
M- VERY WRONG I WAS