@michaeljhudson: Wanna feel old? 1990 was 40 years ago.
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@girlposts: Trump: Can I get past Biden: What's the password Trump: I don't know Biden: Losers says what Trump: What Obama: JOE
@SlappNuttz: My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Twitter. So, sadly this will be my last tweet, where I mention having a wife.
@garrydavenport: When I die, please scatter my ashes over my iPhone, computer and TV, because I want to be left to my own devices.
@zachreinert03: I hate "save the date" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out "hey forget about that one date 6 months ago" cards