@FierceMess: Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick.
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@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle
@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.
@rw_powers: 40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly.