@FierceMess: Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick.
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@KentWGraham: When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.
@boring_as_heck: [dumps gatorade on coach after losing the big game] we know how much you hate gatorade you piece of shit
@NikiWithIssues: Liam Neeson is like Super Mario who keeps saving a chick who keeps getting kidnapped but instead of mushrooms he's really into phone calls.
@EndhooS: [Last supper] Jesus: Same time next week guys? *they all nod* Judas: I'll book a table for 12 Jesus: you mean 13 Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13