@FierceMess: Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick.
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@krissywillbretz: Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*
@GarreTheFerret: My bank sends a text with my balance. It's a nice feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D