@YayForJam: Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart
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@Marlebean: Him: Your body is like poetry Me: That's so nice! H: A haiku M:.. H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom M: Just stop
@Dr_awfulpants: If your boss says "Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong.
@ArfMeasures: ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I'm bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You're expelled