@somecleverthing: Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks "wanna hear something amazing?"
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@lovemyboots111: "One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you...." under a moving bus
@QwertyJones3: "What are you doing tonight?" Gonna smoke some Herb. "Nice." -guys who work in a crematorium
@NicCageMatch: The turkey is the luckiest one at the Thanksgiving table because it's already dead.