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@PaulyPeligroso: Want to get really stoned? Commit adultery in Iran.
@T_Bonezzz: *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI
@meganamram: There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
@Sassafrantz: My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.
@awkwardphilippe: [Jedi Academy]
Why do you want to be Jedi?
[Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army]
To keep the peace
@egg_dog: Joseph: could you put the shopping away, there's a fish & some bread on- oh no
*house is overflowing with fish & bread*
Jesus: i am so sorry