@WineMummy: Want to leave a lasting impression? Show up three hours late for a first date.
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@MsSugar_Kisses: Listening to my coworker cry about her gag reflex not being able to swallow her allergy pills.. All I keep thinking is: Her poor boyfriend..
@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.
@JasonLastname: Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.