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@WeissBrandon: I'd never lie just to get a girl to sleep with me, is one of my favorite lies to tell girls that I am trying to sleep with.
@TheTweetOfGod: Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life.
@carlyken: Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.
@Dadpression: Toddler tech support: "Did you try throwing it and crying?"
@MacAnnabella: People that proudly carry their yoga mats around town...
I get it. I carry my Burrito around with that same pride.