@JamieGreenlees: Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's.
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@ingmarbirdman: *bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*
@CulturedRuffian: Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident.
@lovemydogduck: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
@thatUPSdude: I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women. Just joking, I believe in Nessie.