@JamieGreenlees: Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's.
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@robfee: House Hunters: We need plenty of space for entertaining, 62 bedrooms, a fully staffed Cheesecake Factory & a heliport. Our budget is $287.
@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.
@onion_an: [looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date] "I didn't know birds could climb trees"