@hippieswordfish: WANTED: ladder. must be in working condition. bring it by 5134 parker st, it's the big yellow house with a guy on the roof
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@sammyrhodes: My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg.
@Brianhopecomedy: After I saw that my wife "Checked In" to the mall I called to report her credit cards stolen.
@boring_as_heck: You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges.
@KattsDogma: Meghan Trainor songs: -All About That Bass -Flounder's Good Too -Also I Like Shrimp -Wait, I'm a Vegan -All About That Kale