@momopface: WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You're an adult" every few minutes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@johnfreiler: my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird
@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."