@momopface: WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You're an adult" every few minutes.
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@slimmy_shady: This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Budapest airport] IMMIGRATION: So what is your purpose for visiting Hungary? ME: [holding huge bag of marbles] I wanna see the hippoes.
@joebirbigs: I would have got the Google Glass but I don't have $1500 or any desire to strap the internet to my face.