@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
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@iNusku: I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed.
@OneFunnyMummy: I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods
@don_haworth: I made a joke about a lumberjack funeral once and got followed by a logging association, a lumberyard and 2 funeral homes
@interwebmemes: 2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say