@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
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@ValeeGrrl: You have to admire husband's focus as he plays on his iPad while I furiously chop carrots tapping out "I hate you" in morse code w my knife.
@ChipKellysBalls: Would bet there's a math equation that can tell how many kids a person has by measuring the amount of Cheerios on the floor of their car ...
@MrGynosaur: Sprinklers are just little heads looking around for their friends but they can't find them so they cry