@WilliamAder: Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.
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@Parkerlawyer: "Why did you leave your last job?" -I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"
@StellaGMaddox: I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
@BruceForce: t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t ~ just dotting some i's and crossing some t's.
@hardlyrelevant: "Oh, Monster TRUCK rally. Haha of course..." *Frankenstein slowly backs out of the room, hiding a 24 pack of condoms behind his back*