@WilliamAder: Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.
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@TheAlexNevil: 6: Dad, why do you have so many nicknames for me? *I break down, no longer able to cover up that I can't remember my son's name
@panmidwest: CUSTOMER: [handing me a 20] can I have two 5's and a 10? ME: [thinking of the girl who wrote 'never change' in my high school yearbook] no
@SamanthaRae49: I don't usually talk to strangers but when I do its because I'm at the zoo and someone called a tortoise a turtle.