@WilliamAder: Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.
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@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
@SuperRandomish: Me: *singing "Don't stop believing"* Joe: What are you doing? Me: Practicing for Journey duty J: You mean Jury duty? M: No, it says...shit
@TommyWallace: [First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best