@joshxhowie: Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.
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@internetluke: Waiter: Is Pepsi okay? Coke: everybody cares to ask about Pepsi. Nobody asks how I am *coke storms off angrily*
@ChickenFrecklez: When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?
@TheCiscoKidder: Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person.
@david8hughes: [in church] "And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins." [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]