@TweetPotato314: was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru
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@ChrisThayerSays: I'll bet my mom's up in heaven right now, smiling, thinking, "Wow, it was really nice of them to let me out of hell for the day."
@Mikecanrant: There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
@Area51eh: Me: Pack your bags.I won the lottery! G/F: Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? Me: Doesn't matter, just get out.
@VirgoSherry: A co-worker just used the word "elderly" to describe someone my age and that's why I had to kill her.