@WilliamAder: Was standing in my front yard this evening and some neighborhood kids tried to deflate me.
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@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'
@GrumpyBahr: Sorry I haven't tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.
@SummerCandyEyes: My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal. *cashes in college fund *installs a pool in backyard
@JediGigi: Mom said I should only date "a good man" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.