@cosmicbibi: Research shows your medication is 879% more effective if you drink a 6 pack and a bottle of wine first. Also, I changed my name to Research.

@tastefactory: We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies.

@robfee: Sure, I have gluten free Halloween candy for your kid. *Reaches in pocket & pulls out middle finger* Get off my lawn before I call the cops

@GrowlyGrego: Welcome to Pushovers Anonymous. Cool if we start with a reading? "fine by me!" "you bet!" "sounds good!" "NO" Sir, please leave. "NO" Okay.

@schumoo: Just tell me how many calories are in the entire package and save me the trouble of doing all the multiplication.