@PJTLynch: “Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth” “A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth” -Baby reviews of stuff on the floor

@weinerdog4life: You can pretend you're a ghost at pottery barn, there's no laws against that

@VodkaTiem: I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect.

@SocialBitterfly: *one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!

@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.