@LurkAtHomeMom: Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football.
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@farahfergie: Premarital counseling should be having the couple put together IKEA furniture with limited Wi-Fi connection. #weddingparty #romance
@MagsWoodward: I'm beginning to think my best chance of fame is if someone names a syndrome after me.
@NoTheOtherJohn: Furniture salesperson: Do you see anything you like? Waldo: Actually yes this red and white couch is quite nice.
@joejwest: ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]