@IamEnidColeslaw: watch only the first and last episodes of How I Met Your Mother. you're welcome
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@theyearofelan: Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates
@Abusitron: ME: I need you to look at my balls, doc *removes pants* DR: Ok what seems to be the problem? ME: *swivels hips sensually* Nuthin
@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.
@EmoPhilips: 23rd Century Scientist: We're sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission. Henry Ford: Yes, sir.