@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"
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@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: The average 3-year-old boy can stick 11 kernels of corn up his nose before he needs a trip to the ER.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Why do you do chores if you don't like to? Me: The same reason you eat your vegetables. 5: Because Mom is scary? Bingo.
@daemonic3: To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.
@thispartyislame: Sprayed a spider with some Davidoff Cool Water & it didn't die. Now I'm just stuck with a spider that I wanna bang.