@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"
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@ArfMeasures: Breath escapes my broken body. I collapse amid dark, icy spears of pain. The fight's done. It's over. GYM INSTRUCTOR: You've done 9 seconds
@causticbob: It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it.
@Bdell1014: If you're going Black Friday shopping tomorrow, be a decent human being & turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights
@bombsydoll: *sees guy having a heart attack* me: quick somebody push a cookie in his mouth! person: isn't that for diabetics? me: it's what I would want