@N0pantz: Watch your wedding video backwards. You'll love the part when you take your ring off, walk away from the altar, & leave with your friends.
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@joshgondelman: My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers* Wife: No H: *buys her jewellery* W: No H: *starts extreme couponing* W: *gives him all the sex*