@Mr_Kapowski: Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was "he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"
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@realHamOnWry: I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?
@Abusitron: [coffee shop] *casually puts arm around wife* *reaches up to Free Wifi sign with a pen* *changes last "i" to an "e", draws downward arrow*
@riesypiecey: its embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasnt sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
@OctopusCavemann: St. Peter: Welcome to Heaven Me: Wow! An open bar! St. Peter: You have to be dead 21 years to drink Me: *slips him a fake ID* St. Peter: Enjoy yourself Mr. Grunge Music