@weinerdog4life: Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?
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@williamwanton: Therapist: Alright, let's start at the beginning Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn't born a centaur
@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’