@weinerdog4life: Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?
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@ventivodkacran: Unknown person parked their car in my driveway, now it's my car. That's how that works, right?
@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw: Me to Dr: I have no energy lately. Dr: you need to exercise more Me:... Dr:... Me: Let's start this again.
@TheBeerGuy73: Whenever I drink I turn into Jason Bourne. I can't remember much, fighting comes naturally, and I have a sudden need to evade the law.
@JustDontBugMe: MIL: You're going to give me a heart attack someday! M: Last time I checked you didn't even have a heart.