@ellieholcomb: Watched The Little Mermaid with my girl last night & realized that Aerial could be on an episode of Hoarders. : /
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@TheMichaelRock: Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
@jergarl: Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous.
@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.