@goodhairperson: *watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Eightinchgoat: *Pulls your panties to the side* *Tries to remember how I even ended up wearing your panties*
@Home_Halfway: Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
@shkeeber: Me: *looking at pics* Cute! What breed is it? Looks like a Puggle Co-worker: It's my daughter Me: Yeah, they feel like family, don't they?
@JohnLyonTweets: [heaven] Abraham Lincoln: If only I'd stayed in that night instead of going to that show. Batman's parents: Same.