@KatieKatCubs: Watching cartoons with my son is awesome except for all the commercials & now his Christmas list has 26,724 things on it. Shit.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
@KatieKatCubs: My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy.
@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.
@KyleMcDowell86: DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU