@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@FudgeRobot: My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear.
@david8hughes: *on deathbed* "Son u were *cough* ado-" "Dad? I was adopted?!" "A dot of misery on my otherwise happy life. I don't know why we adopted u."
@DurtMcHurtt: [kung fu fight] "Your tiger claw is no match for my crane." *starts lifting heavy building materials*
@juskewitch: Nothing is worse than having a cranberries song stuck in your head, in your head, in your heeeeeeeeeeaaaad zombie zombie zombie eee eee