@TheCiscoKidder: Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*
@topaz_kell: When I treat people the way I want to be treated, they get weirded out when I start brushing their hair.
@GreenSmoke_: My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.