@TheCiscoKidder: Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person.
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@Wine_Honey1: Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won't talk to you.
@WheelTod: [Wedding Open Bar in my 20s] Woohoo! Imma get sooo wasted!! [Wedding Open Bar in my 40s] Woohoo! Imma save maybe $11!
@McNevich: Girl in front of me at the store this morning bought a Kool-Aid Burst and a big Slim Jim. Heroes walk amongst us, folks. Real life heroes.