@JennyJohnsonHi5: Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board.
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@fatherofcomedy: They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
@jessokfine: This is a baby horse: it can walk 4 hours after it's born This is a baby human: don't touch its head wrong or you'll bonk its brain
@TheRealRHB: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...