@onelongbender: Watching my son's soccer game in the cold and rain cuz I'm a good Mom. From my heated car cuz I'm not a total idiot.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sarcasticsapien: Dating in your thirties is fun because you get to tell strangers intimate parts of your past to help them decide that you're staying single.
@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects.
@dril: my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl
@eXentRic_: Holy Communion: PRIEST:"This is the body of Christ. Take it " ME:"Uum,can I instagram it first?" *We laughed & then I was excommunicated*