@ImaFlyontheWall: Watching police ticket people parked incorrectly that are in church right now and understanding that Jesus and karma have a sense of humor
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@2browneyedboys: me: my loofah completely fell apart in the shower prison guard: those are ramen noodles
@leannuh_renay: *first date* Her: I’m a criminologist. Me, trying to impress: I have six bodies in my attic.
@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.
@DomesticGoddss: Me:*pulls out salad for lunch Coworker: *pulls out 6 boxes of girl scout cookies & nods at me Me: *tosses salad in fridge CW: Let's do this.