@tiffpats4eva: Watching The Bible. Didn't realize everyone spoke w/ a British accent back then. Neat.
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@KalvinMacleod: [restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I’ll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep…um…Is cok…ok…Is…I…what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*
@onion_an: Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He's a racist