@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine me: *laughing nervously* that's awful

@RobocopLust: A portmanteau is when you combine 2 words to make 1 word. A great example of this is Groupon, a mixture of grey and poupon.

@AnkCoupleTO: Her: THAT IS NOT A FANCY WATER FOUNTAIN Me: *pulling my head out of a bidet* what?

@dadtellsjokes: Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny

@dafloydsta: [phone call] KIDNAPPER: We're gonna kill your wife if you don't pay ME: *making wind noises* I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL