@causticbob: Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.
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@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.
@ArfMeasures: HER: Have you sold anything since you became a full-time author? ME [stares blankly around my empty house] almost everything
@neiltyson: The perennially hyped name "Super Moon" insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.
@shutupmikeginn: If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching their facial expressions