@SkinnerSteven: Watson was Holmes schooled
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@djdarrellripley: My toliet has a lifetime guarantee! I never have to buy another one. When I die, my kid will inherit the throne. It'll be like Shakespeare!
@murrman5: do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth "starting now?" yes "the judge looks like squints from the sandlot"
@DomesticGoddss: Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I'd apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta.
@iwearaonesie: mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice