@SkinnerSteven: Watson was Holmes schooled
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@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.
@ofcourseyoudid: Bird of peace? The dove Bird of war? The hawk Bird of true love? ..wait for it... .... The swallow *walks offstage
@Angibangie: What’s the fetish called when you can only get off if Gordon Ramsey is yelling at you that your risotto is garbage?
@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.