@KevinFarzad: Ways I'm like a tea kettle: 1) need water 2) start screaming when someone forgets abt me 3) could burn down a house but probably never will
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@MyPornKhan: Sometimes, I look at the kids of today and think, "Thank god I'll be dead by the time you grow up."
@TheAlexNevil: *first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?