@KevinFarzad: Ways I'm like a tea kettle: 1) need water 2) start screaming when someone forgets abt me 3) could burn down a house but probably never will
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@everygirI: if ur worried ur not gonna get a New Years Eve kiss just remember that Valentines Day is in 45 days n ur probably gonna b alone for that too
@sofarrsogud: [TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND] 'Oh yeah, I love to cook!' *removes salad from the microwave
@abrosenthal: A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff.
@SteveSuckington: Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up