@glenna_opt: we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
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@LinajkReturns: If he's hot on your heels, dump him. You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do.
@wolfpupy: ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about
@_ElvishPresley_: [Thanksgiving] ME: hey dad will ya pass the peas DAD: say please ME: hey dad will ya pass the please DAD: *tears up so hard*
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees