@Contwixt: We all have that one friend who returns our yacht a little too clean.
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@FatherWithTwins: Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn't get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
@jonnysun: *sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W: