@Contwixt: We all have that one friend who returns our yacht a little too clean.
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@sixfootcandy: I only had 3 goals in Monopoly as a kid: Dog game piece Boardwalk and Park Place. Steal your money when you go to the bathroom.
@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps
@wittwitbarista: Lose something? Need help? Call 1-800-MOM & a team of moms will be deployed to you to ask you "Well, did you look?"Or "did you look-look?"
@TedOfficialPage: If Mitt Romney was president, we'd blame everything on him. "Damn why is it so cold outside? It wasn't this cold when Obama was president."