@Contwixt: We all have that one friend who returns our yacht a little too clean.
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@karri_leigh: My daughter is playing "you can't find me, Mommy"... I'm playing "I'm not trying, Suckaaaa".
@orange_rhymer: *armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* "Wait.. if you're here, then..." *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* "UNCURL, FREDRICK!"
@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie
@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.