@turtledumplin: We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing...and if you can't think of who, that friend is you.
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@freypalm: Astronaut: Dave, that’s not necessary in zero-G. Penguin: [flapping wings] Just let me have this.
@Glove_Monkey: Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.
@FoxyWinePocket: Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know...
@Shot_Of_Cabo: The good thing about being a chubby chaser is you don't have to run very fast or very far.