@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.
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@BrdnHatesYou: *beats arachnophobia* *trips over child dressed as Spider-Man* *fears spiders again*
@DanMentos: [guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern
@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.
@mynameisntdave: GENIE: u get 3 wishes! ME: for my first wish, I want a never-ending bowl of guac GENIE: guac, huh? Yeah, that's gonna cost you an extra wish