@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.
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@rohoxbaby: tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead
@Tayyxb: David Cameron: "In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked." Buckingham Palace?
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats!!! Many of you are about to be grandparents!!!
@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.